|| Eureka Eureka
Dr. ARUNSHANKAR’S ENGLISH VERSION OF MY 8th MARATHI
SHORT STORY
॥ युरेका
युरेका !! ॥
“Welcome … Welcome ... son-in-law … !!! Come come … … have a
seat please. What makes you look us up today? … Something special must have led
you to think of us … … eh? What is it?” said Belwalkar Kaka [ meaning uncle ] ,
patting
the sofa cushion beside him at the same time.
Before I opened my mouth, he also turned towards
the kitchen to alert Kaki [meaning Auntie], “Will you come out please? … See
who has come to see us … our daughter
and son-in-law !!… and quite early too … so, put together some quick
breakfast.”
Kaki soon appeared … … tall and fair … wiping her hands on the
kitchen napkin. Her face was beaming with pleasure to see her daughter.
“ O ho ho !! What a surprise … Patu !! Everything
well and all right, I suppose?”
Then turning to me, and taking me to task, “So? … …
You seem to have clean forgotten your Kaka and Kaki,
while roaming around the town? You should call now and then … feels so good to
see you both.”
I pleaded, rather sheepishly, “Of course we will
drop in … why not Kaki? … You are our own, not strangers … ... But what with
our jobs, household work, and other sundry tasks … we hardly know when the day
begins and ends … … But we do feel like looking you up … often.”
“So you do feel then …
…, don’t you? Then keep coming … without reeling out lame excuses.!!!” she
disposed of me in one swift stroke, and turned to my wife.
“Come in with me Patu ... ... will you …?” Kaki said to
her, “let me cross examine you in the kitchen ...… Upama[*] is getting ready, and might get burnt otherwise.”
Kaki disappeared into the kitchen with my wife,
and I took a seat next to Kaka. He was looking quite pleased with himself … so
I was almost sure that a feast of some Archimedean adventure was about to
follow.
Belwalkar Kaka and Kaki were an exceptional couple.
He was a childhood chum of my father-in-law … and that’s how our Kaka.
In the 1950s, he had qualified as a mechanical as
well as an electrical engineer … his degree in electrical engineering being
from an English University, and that too with a first class …
Highly intellectual … and well read in a variety of
subjects … … right from culinary technology to rocket technology, he navigated
all subjects with aplomb … with extreme creativity and experimental zeal … … a
true engineer incarnate … that was our Kaka.
Kaki, on the other hand, had studied just up to
matriculation … but was very shrewd and down to earth practical.
This couple had three children, but all sons … no
daughter … and Kaka craved for one … which explained his paternal affection for
my wife, who looked very much like my mother-in-law … and because of which Kaka
had suggested the apt name “Pratima” for her, meaning “a mirror image” … … thus
proving his literary talents as well !!!
However, this couple was unique in many other ways
… … kaka was not fair, while Kaki was uncommonly fair with a rosy hue to her
complexion … Kaka’s build was thin and wiry, while Kaki was well built and
nourished … Kaka was far from being handsome … … rather commonplace, while Kaki
was extremely beautiful … as if Venus … Kaka had a plain, unimpressive
personality, while Kaki was stark, mesmerizing … Kaka was very soft-spoken,
while Kaki was outspoken and shrewd … like a criminal lawyer … and to top all
this, she was taller than Kaka by a full five inches … !!!
I always wondered how and why the Almighty had tied
these two personas in a wedlock !!!
Kaki being quite fond of innocent gossiping, my
wife had once teased her about her height, when Kaki had told her, “That is
quite an interesting incident, dear … you know, our marriage had been settled
while we were still babes in cradles … My father and father-in-law were intimately
close friends … virtually eating from the same plate … and that is what sealed
our marriage!!!
“We looked quite compatible as babies … … but as we grew up, I grew taller than him !!!
Now tell me, could a settled marriage be broken just on this count? … so I got
married to him … simple!!! … and we have remained so for thirty odd years …
with no regrets !”
Hearing this fairy tale, we slapped our foreheads
in joyful bewilderment !!!
“Nowadays, of course,” Kaki continued while wiping
her hands dry, “his strange experiments sometimes cause a lot of embarrassment.
“The other day he had gone to the vegetable market,
where a pedestrian was knocked down by a speeding motorcycle. The motorcyclist sped
away, but your uncle took the injured unknown pedestrian to a nearby hospital …
and even waited there till he regained consciousness.
And all along, I was waiting here for
the vegetables … with the cooking pan on the gas stove … !!!
He returned at 12:30 … … urged me to finish
cooking, and also fill up the tiffin carrier.
“Why tiffin carrier?” I asked.
Then he told me the whole incident … that’s your
Kaka !! … carrying tiffin for the unknown pedestrian, because there was no kin
around … …
And he took me also along … …!
That stranger, having just missed a gruesome death,
fell to your Kaka’s feet … … saying, “Just like God … you rushed to my aid and
saved my life … … how can I ever pay off your debt? Nowadays no one extends a
helping hand to anyone … … I know at least twenty-five persons here in Pune …
but not a single blighter came to inquire about me … you are the first, and
only one !!!
My wife slapped her forehead in amazement. !!
“So that’s how it is … with your Kaka … come, let
us take the plates out for breakfast before it gets cold,” said Kaki, coming
out of the kitchen with the loaded plates.
“Go ahead… …,” she added, “I will be back after keeping
the tea to brew.”
Stuffing my mouth with the delectable Upama, I
casually said, “What are you researching these days, Kaka?”
“Oh yes … … research … of course it is going on …
as usual … just the other day I discovered something new!” replied Kaka.
“Very interesting…”, he continued, “A funny
discovery about our bath … which we take every day.”
“What is interesting in that?” I probed, puzzled.
“It’s like this,” said Kaka at length. “How do we
bathe?
"First, we pour a few tumblerfuls of water over the
body to get wet … correct?”
“Yes, that’s what we do,” I agreed.
“And then we soap ourselves from head to toe, working
up a lot of lather… … you agree?” continued Kaka.
“Yes, we do.”
“Then we douse ourselves with water till every tiny
bubble of lather is washed away… … don’t we?”
“Right you are there !!,” piped my wife, fixing me
with a pointing finger, “he pours bucket after bucket of water over
himself !!… stopping only when I start yelling !!!”
“Now the point is,” Kaka picked up the thread
again, “that to begin with, our body never has so much dirt on it as to need
all that soap … because we bathe every day … and so we just cannot collect
enough sweat or grime to need such abundance of soap lather to wash it off …
don’t you agree?”
“Well, maybe what you say is true … … but then …
unless one works up enough lather around oneself, one doesn’t feel like having
taken a proper bath … eh? … so what about that?” I pleaded rather diffidently.
But Kaka was not willing to give up so easily. He
pressed on, “So, the other day I realized that this fetish of ample lather is
all a play of the mind … … in reality, we just do not need that much lather
… so when we wash it off, a good deal of the useful soap literally goes down
the drain !!! …”
“Well… … then?” my wife also pricked up her ears
now.
“So this is what I did,” Kaka went on, “I bought a
large plastic tub, and bathed … … standing in it .”
“What in heaven for?” I raised my eyebrows.
“So that all the ablution water collected in that
tub. Well … … then I soaked all that day’s laundry in it, and washed it off
after 15 minutes ... ... ... All the clothes turned out dazzling bright and clean, I tell you...!!! Now isn’t THAT a striking discovery?” concluded Kaka, in the style of
Archimedes, giving me a victorious look!!!
Kaki slapped her forehead in utter exasperation,
and growled, “Only your Kaka can do such quixotic and sickening
experiments.!! And mind you, Patu … …, I AM NOT GOING TO ALLOW SUCH
ECCENTRICITIES IN THIS HOUSE. !!! ”
Kaka was oblivious to all this… … Kaki had gone
to the kitchen to strain the tea, and he went on, “And just think, son-in-law,
if everyone in our country followed this habit, how much soap will it
save ? … … … can you imagine?”
“???”
“India’s population is 1,100 million, right?”
“Right”
“Even assuming each person consumes a meager 5
grams of soap per bath, this will save a grand 5,500 tonnes of soap every
single day !!! … I can see your head spinning now !!… Ho … Ho … Ho … Ho!”
finished Kaka, as if shouting “Eureka Eureka
Our visit to Kaka was not wasted after all !!!
Silently surrendering to Kaka’s wizardry, we got up
to go, muttering, “Well … we must be on our way now, kaka … … have to finish
weekly marketing …”
“I understand dear… … ,” cooed Kaki, “but come soon
again.”
“Your Kaki is right … … keep coming, Patu,” added Kaka,
“how quickly the time passed … with you two!”
We both touched their feet, and unknowingly a
parting shot took place.
Pratima said to kaki, “Please give me your sons’
phone numbers … … will you? Once the day
for Satya Narayan Pooja[†] is settled, I intend to
inform and invite them.”
“Please give all three numbers, Kaki ” I added, “so no one will
be missed … inadvertently ...”
“What three? You mean four… … don’t
you?” countered Kaki.
A pin-drop silence hung over the scene … as at the
height of suspense in a Hitchcock film !!
We knew pretty well that the couple had only three
sons … … … Pratima knew the family since childhood, and she went speechless.
!!!
So, who was the fourth one ?
Even Kaka dropped his jaw, looking at Kaki, his
eyebrows arching up a full inch or so.!!!
I too was dumbstruck … … and stuttered somehow, “By
four…ammmm … … Kaki, you mean … Vijay, Arun and Gaurang … that makes three …
and?”
And before we could gather our wits, our Kaki
declared majestically, pinning down our 'Kaka The Great', with a straight finger pointing at him ,
“He is the fourth one!...the youngest of all !! ... … God only knows when he is
going to grow up!!!”
An hydrogen bomb of laughter exploded, the boom
shaking the walls of Kaka’s house !!!
And Kaka, our omniscient Archimedes, also followed
suit, slapping his forehead in awe, over and over again!!!
*********************************************************************
DR. ARUNSHANKAR.
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