|| May Your Guru Be
Your God ||
English Version of
|| AACHAARYA DEWO BHAWA ||
OR
॥ आचार्य देवो भव ॥
OR
॥ आचार्य देवो भव ॥
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“Don’t anybody drive me mad now … … you understand?” roared my
redoubtable Grandma!
“Kaka … tow this Ravi … to Tikekar Master … and tell him to take charge of this brat … once
and for all …” she shouted in exasperation.
She had delivered the verdict … as if with a bang of the gavel … like
a Supreme Court judge … with authority and finality!
And, at long last, I heaved a sigh of relief …
Grandma had rescued me … at the age of 12 … from the life-and-death
battle … unscathed … The date of this
historic judgment was 19th of June … the year 1964.
It all started with my school result. I was then reading in standard
seven … in Private High School Kolhapur
We were then a family of a dozen or so … My father, who was a farmer …
we six siblings … five brothers and a sister … plus two aunts - father’s
sisters … and a maternal uncle, living with us for his schooling …
I am the youngest sibling … so naturally the butt of my elders’
pranks, mischief, harassment … or anything they fancied.
As if in compensation … I was blessed with an impregnable shield …
Grandma!! … always there to bail me out of trouble … whatever it be …
Grandma was my father’s mother … then in her mid-sixties … An
intimidating specimen of her ilk … She had rescued family land from the
clutches of the notorious land tenancy act … tilled it herself … managed the
family’s affairs like a natural spearhead … and carried it on for a score of
years … … A courageous, capable, formidable woman … No one could take her for
granted … !!!
She discharged her duties
with aplomb and finesse … as if it was all well within her ken … !!!
My household … why, the
entire city of Kolhapur
The funniest part was …
Grandma also addressed Father as “Kaka”
… !!!
Grandma handled all affairs
single-handedly … at home … on the farm … in the community around … . Her
impeccable wisdom was a blend of experience and commonsense … not just wide …
but also deep … and everyone who knew her … or about her … the whole town, one
may say ... stood in awe of her!!!
She did everything with
dispatch! Despite being a woman, she always talked like a man … using masculine
inflections of the language!!
At home, Grandma’s word
was final …!!! No one dared contest it … not even Kaka!!
Such was the invincible
shield I was blessed with … It had saved me from Kaka’s wrath!!
But what had brewed the
crisis in the first place?
All my siblings were well
known in Kolhapur
On such a background, I
had failed in English … in the seventh standard.!!!
The dilemma was … I had …
at the same time … stood first in Mathematics … scoring 100 out of 100.!!!
That’s what had
nonplussed everyone at home … I had posed an inscrutable paradox!*#
They could not pat me on
the back … nor could they call me a blockhead …
Father was all beside
himself … what to do with me? … or to me? … thrashing was clearly
out of question …
Mother had convened the
household council … to decide … my fate … ???
“Remand Home !!! … that’s
the place for him,” opined one…
“Drive him out of the
house,” suggested another…
“Harness him to farm
work,” tweeted someone else…
“No elder has paid any
attention to his studies,” said Mother … “What else can anyone expect …
then?”
I was standing in the
middle … like an accused in the box … awaiting the verdict … with tremulous
legs … ???
And that’s when Grandma
had taken the cue … and settled my case … silencing everyone … coming to my
rescue … as always!!!
There is a Chinese saying
… I didn’t know it then … “Whatever happens, happens for good.”
Grandma’s verdict was to
land me .. unwittingly … no, not in trouble … rather, in the parlour of my
prime preceptor … !!!
Well … the die was cast…
… …The next day … at 10 o’clock … trailing behind Kaka …
I reached Tikekar Master’s house … the place of my tuition.
Tikekar Master was Kaka’s
classmate … and a close friend too!!
He had won a Gold Medal
in English … at the BA exam … Not only that … he had even gone to Oxford … supported
by a scholarship … and local bigwigs’
generosity … and returned with the second rank in MA … with English as
principal subject … !!!
Who else to mentor a
neophyte … like me … who had flunked miserably … in English ???
Grandma’s wisdom was
winsome … she had hit the nail on the head … her verdict was veritable … !!!
Master had just finished
his class … upstairs … and was expected for tea in his living room … downstairs
…
We stepped in. Seating me
in the waiting room, Kaka went upstairs to see Tikekar Master …
And soon came down … with
him.
Embarrassed and scared …
I was sitting … with bowed head…?
Greetings and
pleasantries were exchanged … Mai (Master’s wife) placed a bowl before me …
holding a round, plum-colored ball of
sweetmeat … made of a soft, smooth cereal !!!
I was taken by surprise …
I was crazy about this sweet … How did Mai know this? … God only knew!
“Meet Tikekar Master,”
Kaka said. “Touch his feet … and seek his blessings.”
I did as told … and heard
Master’s mouthful of blessings, “Enrich yourself !!”
I stole a glance at him …
White, neatly pressed dhotee
having printed sawtooth borders … worn trouser style … creaseless white
shirt … brown Gabardine jacket … robust
Kolhapuri sandals on feet … weighing at least a kilo each … round black cap
over the head … a polished, carved mahogany walking stick in hand … broad
forehead adorned with a vertical kumkum mark …
horn-rimmed glasses astride a rapier-like nose … rosy complexion … kind
but penetrating eyes … face aglow with intellect and character …
And … most amusing …
large, saucer-like, ears projecting from the head !!!
“Is he a Master? … or
Lord Ganesh in human form?” … I was nonplussed !!!
I was sold on him at
first sight …
And convinced that he
would remedy my English…
“Have your tea, Kaka, or
it will cool down” Master said.
“What brings you here
today?” he inquired. Then, pointing to me, “Your youngest son, I believe?”
“Yes,” Kaka said. “He has
created sort of a record !! … so I had to come … to request you … to take
charge of him …”
“That’s not a problem,”
Master said, and then, turning to me, “but tell me, son, why do you need a
tuition, eh?”
I way busy, head bowed,
devouring the delectable sweet … oblivious of Kaka … and Master …
“What’s the matter …
son?” Master inquired again.
Kaka started, “The matter
is …”
Master signed to Kaka …
to keep quiet.
“All right … son … come
here … close to me … now tell me what happened.”
Without uttering a word,
I held my progress card under his nose.
Pointing a finger at the
card, Master again asked me, “Am I talking to you? … or … to this card?”
I started the list of my
confessions.
“Guruji …”
Interrupting me, Master
said, “Not ‘Guruji‘… … ‘Master‘… that is the right word …because I am master of
something … … you aptly say ‘Master‘ … is that not so?”
“Yes.”
“So henceforth, address
me by than pronoun alone … !!!”
Not “call” me … “address”
me … I noted !
Likewise, not “OK?” … or
“got it?” ... but “Is that not so?” ... !!!
I was having a taste of …
chaste English … for the first time … in my life!!!
“Yes Master,” I replied,
“I have scored … only … 28 … in English …”
“Oh,” Master said, “that
means you are short of just 72 for 100 percent , are you not?”
I was speechless … #*?
“Now tell me,” Master
continued, “Why did this happen? Is it because you do not understand
English, or is it because you do not like English?”
I stuttered, “I do
not … understand … what Guruji teaches
in the school … …”
“Well,” said Master, “we
will see what to do about those 72 marks. … What do you say?
Now look here… …, this is
a temple … of learning … yes or no?”
“Yes, Master.”
“And when you enter a
temple,” Master went on, “you receive … a treat, is it not so?”
I was still standing,
dumb …
“So tell me,” Master
continued, pointing alternately to the sweet in the bowl … and the beautiful
carved stick in his hand …, “which one do you want? … this … or that?”
I froze … !!!
“If you begin to
understand English, will you study sincerely?”
“Yes, Master,” I blurted,
“I will …”
Then, turning to Kaka,
Master said, “Let him start from tomorrow. I shall take charge of him.”
“What about your fees,
Balasaheb?” inquired Kaka.
“Have I talked about my
fees?” said Master. “We will see about it … later … but first buy for him a
copy of Wren and Martin’s English Grammar.”
Then, turning to me, he
said, “Come from tomorrow, will you? And
do not miss a single day … do you understand?”
Before taking our leave,
I again touched his feet. And he blessed me again,
“Enrich yourself !!!”
This was unusual … I had
been accustomed to blessings like “live long”
or “live to be 100” … but … “enrich yourself”? Most unusual … !!! I was
out of my depth …
“Master,” I asked, “When
you … say ‘Enrich yourself’, … what does … that … mean?”
A smile spread over
Master’s face. “If you remain a learner … all your life … then some day,
you will understand it ... yourself ... !!!
I slapped my forehead !!!
As my tuition progressed,
my consternation grew … by degrees …
Master would not answer
any question simply or directly … … but rather with a tricky counter
question !!!
He would throw a counter
question at me … sending my head spinning … goading me to struggle … read …
seek answers … argue with myself …
And after all this, when
I approached Master for further discussion, he would bowl me over with fresh
counter questions ... *@*
One day my patience got
over … and I rushed to Master, to settle the issue … once … and for all !
He was reading the epic
Mahabharat. Seeing me bristling, he
inquired, “What brings you here today? Where are you stuck ?”
“Master,” I frowned, “why
don’t you answer … any of my questions in … what shall I say ... a …
straightforward manner?”
He simply smiled, and
said, “Tell me, do you come here to learn or simply to hear my
discourse ?”
I slapped my head and
went home … ???
Master had blessed me
with ‘Enrich yourself‘, but had never explained what it implied …
But he had the gumption
to make it happen … which I realized after full four years … when my SSC result
was out …
In just four years,
Master had exercised my English so mercilessly, that I … who had failed in the
seventh standard … had not only passed SSC .. but that too with first rank in
English !!!
And the day the result
was out, this prime preceptor of mine himself came to our house with a
large box of sweetmeats !!!
Unable to contain his
happiness, he called out, “Kaka, have sweets … Ravi ’s mother, have sweets …
*&#”
Taken by surprise, Kaka and Mother exclaimed, “Balasaheb, at least step in … please have a seat … be comfortable ... and now tell us … what is all this about ?”
Springing like a fountain, Master said, “Your ward has … paid my fees … tenfold over Kaka !!, Ravi has stood first in English ... at the Center !!!”
I was moved to tears … of
joy … of gratitude … seeing the affection Master was lavishing on me.
“May I ask you something,
Master?” I ventured.
“Yes, go on.”
“When I came to you first
… when I was in the seventh standard … you said to me, ‘Address me as Master’…
… or something similar.”
“So, then ?”
“Why did you not say …
for simplicity … ‘Call me Master’?”
“Tell me,” Master
countered, as usual, “once you have mastered tailoring, what are you supposed
to do? Design and stitch dresses … or … wash them?”
Now it was Kaka’s and
Mother’s turn to have a taste of Master’s methods … and … slap their
foreheads !!
By and by, I got quite in
tune with my Master …
On one occasion, I got
obsessed with finding out the precise meaning of “guru” … because … lecturer,
professor, reader, teacher … all of them teach … then whom to call
“guru” and why? … that was the bee under my bonnet.
To get it out, I marched
to Master’s house. He was browsing a Sanskrit book at the time.
I asked my question …
whereupon Master placed a Sanskrit dictionary in front of me.
No words !!!
I opened the dictionary
and looked up the meaning of “guru”… ‘one who holds your finger and arouses
you to stand and walk on your own,’ the book stated … nowhere did it say
‘one who teaches’… !!!
And the definition
incarnate was sitting right in front of me !!!
Speechless with the
revelation, I slapped my forehead !!!
In a split second I had
seen the light … in the prayer “Mother
be God, Father be God, Guru be God’ … why guru comes next only to the parents …
givers of life !!
From then on, it became
my hobby to harass Master… with all sorts of questions … not only about English
… but also Maths, Grammar, Economics, Marathi, Sanskrit, Philosophy, Politics,
Physics, Chemistry, Botany, Dramatics … anything and everything … !!!
I missed no opportunity
to barrage him with questions … and nor he … of making my head spin … with
counter questions …
Soon, I passed my FY BSc
with distinction and, after a calm of four years, another crisis brewed at home
… !!!
Kaka cherished a dream
that I should become a surgeon. … But what fascinated me was engineering …
Fortunately I had enough
marks to my credit to make me eligible for admission to either of these courses
…
But there was this
impasse … Finally, I trudged to Master’s house ... as usual !
Master was about to go
out somewhere … He said, “I have to go out for some work … but go on … what’s
the problem now?”
“I am unable to decide
where to seek admission … medical ? … or engineering ? … I have enough marks for
either … so what should I do … ???”
“How can I tell you what you
should do?” Master said, “but tell me one thing …”
“What, Master?”
Fixing me with his
penetrating gaze, Master posed a counter question, “what is it that … while you
are doing it … makes you forget the world around … and be lost in its pursuit?”
I was floored. !!!
Never in my life had I
come across a genius … who could … fend a hundred questions … with … a single
counter question … just like that ... !!!
The very next day I tore
off my application for medical course … and settled for engineering.
This tussle continued …
uninterrupted … till Master was alive.
Four years slipped by …
like four days … … In 1974 I passed my first Bachelor of Engineering, in first
class with distinction …
Master came home to
congratulate me … patted me on the back … and presented me with his own copy of
Oxford English Dictionary … with his signature !!! My joy knew no bounds …
Soon I landed a job … and
parents of marriageable girls started calling on my parents … with their
proposals!
Kaka and Mother were
impatient to get me tethered … To please them, I even had a look at a few girls
… but I couldn’t make up my mind …
So … as usual … I decided
to seek the ultimate remedy … and dashed to Master’s house, once more.
Master had finished his
afternoon reading … and was sipping his tea …
”Welcome Mr Torturer
...!!!” he said, “come … have a seat here, beside me.”
Turning towards the
kitchen, he called out, “Will you bring a cup of tea, please? … And
congratulate our Aristotle … he has passed his BE in first class with
distinction !!”
Mai placed a cup in front
of me, and said to Master, “I hear that Kaka is now contemplating his marriage
… any news about it … ?”
“No news yet, Mai,” I
replied hurriedly. “There is a problem … and that is why I have come to see
Master …”
“You young boys are …
indeed … unfathomable,” said Mai. “What problem can there be dear? … And how is
your Master supposed to tackle it?”
“Mai means,” commented
Master, “am I running English tuitions … or … a … marriage bureau? ...!!!”
We all had a good laugh
at that … !!!
Mai continued, “What is
so difficult in that? … Choose a real witty-gritty girl … take her round the
holy fire … then garland her … and that’s that !!”
“That’s the problem,
Mai,” I wailed,” All the girls I see … are …. well made up … and all
look pretty …and appear to be witty-gritty too !!!”
“That’s the law of Nature,”
commented Master. Poet-philosopher Bhartruhari has said, “Every jenny looks like a fairy … to a jack … !!!”
“Now tell me,” he went
on, “what are you concerned about more? … the girl’s appearing … or… her
being???”
“Of course her being,
Master,” I said, “but how am I … ever … to judge … it ... reliably?”
He smiled, saying, “Who
can best portray a girl … as she would be … after a score or more years ...
from now?”
Again I was floored … !!!
With one counter question, Master had once again dispatched dozens of my
questions!@!
Several girls … who till
then had looked like fairies … did not pass Master’s test … and I learnt my
lesson !!!
Eventually … when I went
to see our “Indiraji”[1]
… I was talking to … her … but astutely observing … her mother …
!!!
Childish or dignified? …
Meticulous or careless? … Spendthrift or thrifty? … Sloppy or graceful? …
Mindless or witty? … Shy or self-assured?
I appraised “Indiraji”
from her mother … from all these angles.
And announced my assent …
then and there … not giving a damn about whether she was … fair … or had … blue
eyes …?*@#
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[1] My wife’s maiden name is Sumeetaa… I have lovingly nicknamed her Indiraji,
in honour of her caliber, after the Iron lady of INDIA
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No sooner had I declared
my decision than my would-be mother-in-law sprang from her seat … and … in the
presence of all present ... cracked her knuckles affectionately on my temples …
as a sign of her adoration ... making me shrink within myself … !!!
“Oh my my....!! How shy will
you be?” she bellowed. And then, glancing at my mother, asked me, “Hasn’t she
done this to you … ever?... … …
Mind you, it is just me
... and you are shrinking so much … what will you do dear, if your would be wife had done this to you
instead... ... eh?”
Everyone burst into
laughter, and I slapped my forehead … *!*
But she continued, “We
Kamathis … this is how we are … you will get used … to us … by and by …
!!!”
Later, I settled in Pune
for my job … all my life. Kaka and Mother lived in Kolhapur
In the winter of
1974 she celebrated our wedding in a
grand style, with aplomb … !!!
The moment Mrs “Indiraji”
stepped into my house … making it a home … the threshold was instantly renamed L.O.C.
… !!!
The area within the LOC
went under the rule of “Indiraji” … and … I was exiled to the ‘neighboring
friendly country’ beyond ... !!!
And of course … as per
the constitution of the ‘neighboring friendly country’ … the birthright to
continually create skirmishes in the “Indian” territory” became my privilege …
!!!
I also learnt how to dilly dally with … negotiations … following the skirmishes … when “Indiraji” got mad, through
two-tiered and three-tiered bilateral
negotiation committees… … for generations. !!!
In course of time,
“Indiraji’s” juggernaut plied the territory within the LOC … East to West …
North to South …
And both generations …
current and future … fell in perfect line … without a murmur !!
Through Master’s
blessings, I harvested a heap of happiness !!!
“Indiraji” ruled her
territory lifelong … while also managing her job … with the grace of a
monowheeler artist … traversing a tight rope in a circus …!
Throughout my life, I
never had to worry about any household matter … even today I don’t …!!!
To sum up, I could say
that … Master had saved me … in the matter of matrimony too !!!
Could it be … that
Master’s parents had also entrusted him … like I was, by my parents … to
internship with Grandma???
Master passed away in
1991 …
And I forever lost the
touchstone that helped me check … now and then … whether any tiny speck … of
this block of iron … had turned into genuine gold … !!!
Years passed … and
computer age was on us.
Laptops replaced
notebooks … letter writing became a
forgotten art … people took to email …
The twentieth century
made way for the twenty-first … mobile phones invaded the world … and Master’s
chaste English fell on bad days …
SMS messages … of the ilk
“t 4 u” … stretched Master’s chaste Oxford English on the torture rack …
Master was fortunate
enough … not to have survived to witness this travesty … A relief for today’s gen-mobile !!!
No one can afford to
trail behind times … I too use a mobile … but only to have a talk …
One day, I received an SMS
message … the ringtone alerted me.
The text ran thus: ‘can i
c u plz @ 14 hrs @ ujwl grb jt?'
I started to struggle
with the keys … to send a return message … ‘Kindly decipher the contents of
your message.'
Try as I might, I could
not … in the cryptic ‘t 4 u’ language …
It was noon
time … and before I knew it, I found myself playing karate with the keypad like
a seasoned crazy mobile-maniac …!!!
I don’t know how … but
Master suddenly appeared on my mobile screen ... *@*
I have stored a
photograph of Master in my mobile phone gallery … and that file must have
somehow opened …
Master was piercing me
with his gaze … with bloodshot eyes …
“You damned fool !!” he
thundered … “Can’t you draft a one-line message in chaste English?”
“How can I, Master?” I
pleaded “I can’t make out the head or tail of this crap … or even whether
this is English or Swengali …”
“What is the alphabet
like? … English? … or Swengali?”
“Master, the problem is …
that I have to reply … in a language … that the sender can understand … and
I don’t know what this ‘t 4 u’ rubbish is…”
“Why can’t you?” shouted
Master at me, “Haven’t you feasted yourself … on English … in my class? … Then?
…?”
By now I too was
possessed by Master’s own spirit !!!
“Look Master,” I argued,
“doesn’t the food we eat … nourish our flesh?”
“Of course,” he agreed.
“And you only said … just
now … that I have feasted myself … in your class …is that not so? ”
“So?” Master agreed,
“Have you any doubt about it ... now?”
“None at all … none at
all … but … may I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead!”
“Tell me,” I continued,
“what did I feast on? … rich princely fare … or … leftovers …???”
Sensing my astutely
tricky question-trap, Master now had his turn to slap his forehead!!!
Damned pleased with
myself, I erased … all that … Swengali nonsense … from my mobile …
Next, I dialed the number
of the human specimen who had … soiled my phone … with his rubbish … and …
right in the presence of Master … took him to task ruthlessly … unleashing on
him, the torrent of chaste English of Master’s genre … ***
I could not see the total
rout of the wretch … but Master must have
… because he thumped me proudly
on the back … beaming from ear to ear ...
And vanished from the
screen … !!!
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-- Dr. ARUNSHANKAR
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